One Baby, Please, Hold the Sugar: A Birth Story
One baby, please, hold the sugar is my daughter’s birth story told from her perspective. These words are her own and don’t necessarily express my personal views or opinions. I welcome all women to share their birth stories! Please contact me if you’d like to publish your birth story on The Incomplete Guide to Parenting. If you are interested in my doula or lactation services, please visit my website Disclaimer: No artificial sweeteners here I’ve gone back and forth about putting my story out into the world. I never wanted to scare anyone, and so when asked, I would come up with a glossed over, toned down version of my story, the “polite” version. But I recently read a birth story that was such a blatant bunch of sugar-coated bull**** that I laughed out loud. I felt like it skirted over the gory details to maintain that polite, perfect facade. The thing is, those kinds of stories hurt me (and many others no doubt) because while I know they’re not honest, there’s a part of me that questions it. Was my experience so out of the ordinary? Why do all these women talk about their births like it was a beautiful dream come true while I still have nightmares about mine? I catch myself feeling resentful towards those moms, and that’s not fair of me either. But it’s how I feel, and I know I’m not the only one. This story is not one of rainbows and candy-coated truths. This story is real and raw, and if that’s not something you can or want to hear, I suggest you move along. I tell my story the way it is because I owe it to myself and to every other woman out there who wonders if she alone has suffered. I hope that others might find solace in knowing that they are not alone and that they might find the strength to talk about their own authentic experiences. Birth: Early Labor I went into labor on a quiet Saturday morning in October. It was 2 am when I awoke to mild contractions. I was five days past my due date and had been impatient for the last couple of weeks, so I eagerly began timing them and saw that they were about 10 minutes apart. I didn’t want to get my hopes up – I’d had Braxton Hicks a few times already. So I tried to relax and go back to sleep, but the contractions continued. Around 6 am, my husband stirred a bit beside me, so I took the opportunity to tell him that I believed labor had started. We were both well prepared for a long haul. I’ve watched and learned from my mom’s and sisters’ pregnancies and knew that, especially for first-time moms, labor could take a while to get going. So we went about our business as usual. I showered and made pancakes. I almost would have forgotten that I was in labor if I didn’t get a little twinge in my back every ten minutes. My mom – who’s also my doula and lactation consultant – had an event to go to that afternoon. She offered to skip it, but I waved her off. I’m sure nothing will happen before tonight at the earliest, I said. Oh, boy was I wrong. Birth: Active Labor It was so sudden. I was taking a bath. One minute I felt relaxed, and the next, my body was just in agony. Contractions – real contractions, not those mild early labor contractions – feel white-hot and twisted, like someone’s wringing your organs as you burn from the inside out. I was crying, and I grabbed my phone to text my husband to come be with me. He timed my next few contractions, and we realized they were 2-4 minutes apart. I was so prepared for a drawn-out labor, but here I was only 10 hours from the first contraction and suddenly in active labor. The shock of it all had me feeling whiplashed. It was barely noon. Should we be going to the hospital? It didn’t seem logical. We called my mom so she could drive with us. She reminded me that I could be expected to labor outside the hospital if I wasn’t dilated enough to be admitted. I hesitated, but at this point, I was barely speaking and was spending a lot of time doubled over crying, so we went. “Contractions feel white-hot and twisted, like someone’s wringing your organs as you burn from the inside out.” The 40-minute drive to the hospital was not pleasant. My contractions were now just one minute apart, lasting for a minute or less. I contracted approximately 20 times in the back seat of a small sedan, crying into my husband’s shoulders while my mom rubbed my back. Being in labor anywhere sucks, but it somehow sucks even worse when you’re confined to a small space. When we finally got there, I was desperate to get in the tub as I had planned for a water birth. I didn’t want an epidural, so being in the water was crucial for me. And what a world of a difference it made. I was still contracting hard and fast, but it was so much more manageable. Birth: Transition My midwife met us upon arrival. She’d watched me through a contraction and admitted me but didn’t check to see how dilated I was. After laboring in the tub a bit, I wanted to know what kind of progress we were making, if any, so I asked her to check me. I was 9.5 centimeters dilated, and the baby was in the -1 station. I was shocked. It was about 1:30 pm. I’d been in active labor for less than 2 hours. I started to feel hopeful that our baby would be born quickly. (Haha that didn’t happen) My water had yet to break, and I was impatient, so I eventually asked my midwife to break
Rock Your Labor in These Positions
To rock your labor in these positions, you will need an open mind, sense of humor and a little flexibility. Don’t wait until crunch time to check these out! Let’s face it; LABOR is hard work and requires creativity and instinct to help move the process along. Giving birth is not a sedentary sport. Active involvement can lessen your birth time, reduce pain, and decrease the need for medications. Overall, satisfaction with the birthing process comes from freedom of movement and allowing your body to do what comes naturally. Contrary to images you may have seen in movies or books, the lithotomy (laying on your back with feet in stirrups) position is not the ideal choice for women. However, many factors can influence the mother’s position decision, including setting, mother’s choice & comfort, caregiver preference, or medical intervention. For a healthy mother & baby choosing to have an unmedicated birth, no position is off-limits. Experiment and rehearse what works for you. Checklist to Rock Your Labor Create an environment conducive to allow versatility for greatest achievement. Don’t skimp on preparations for an advantageous experience. Start with these tips and add what you personally enjoy for comfort. partner doula open space; free of debris that may get in your way environment settings; bright, dim, warm, cool, quiet, busy, etc. pillows bed rocking chair birth ball tub, shower towels, sheets birth stool squat bar music essential oils Positions to Rock Your Labor 1. The Squat Birth stool, toilet, bed bar, wall bar, and supported with a partner are all optimal choices. Practice before your due date to get familiar with what feels right for you and build your quads to avoid fatigue. Ideally, your heels would be propped up with something whenever you assume this position if you can’t put them on the floor. Benefits Gives good pelvic alignment Helps baby use gravity and descent Better rotation Can provide 10% more room for baby to move out Less work for pushing Gives best fetal circulation Increases urge to push Takes pressure off the tailbone Decrease need for episiotomy, forceps or vacuum Drawbacks Fatigue Need a reliable partner when using a supported squat Some studies suggest excessive blood loss for some mothers 2. Side-Lying It’s best to stay upright as much as possible, but sometimes relaxation does the trick after working so hard. Try not to lay flat; use the incline position for better gain. To utilize this effectively, place props all around you and between your knees. Take a deep breath and let everything else genuinely support you. Benefits Rest Comfort Helps baby rotate when needed Great fetal circulation Balances moms blood pressure Good for a medicated birth Takes pressure of tailbone Drawbacks Can slow labor if left side-lying too long Pushing in this position can be awkward but sometimes useful for a baby finding himself in a challenging place. 3. Standing, Leaning, Walking, Lunging, Stair Walking Typically, when the mother uses movement, she feels productive throughout labor. Since walking comes naturally to her, and the baby is used to being “rocked,” this exercise can be the most beneficial. Intermittently try stairs, lunging, leaning, and standing still. Benefits Helps labor progress Keeps optimal pelvic alignment Aids baby with gravity Gives baby a better chance to correct a poor position Increases strength of contractions Decreases pain Drawbacks Fatigue Usually cannot do too much with a medicated birth 4. Hands and Knees, Kneeling, Asymmetrical Kneeling You can do this on any safe surface that gives a little cushion for comfort. Use pillows or blankets on the floor if you find yourself there. Be sure to have a support person around to help you up. Benefits Takes pressure off the tailbone Helps baby rotate Better fetal circulation Increased oxygen Decreases need for episiotomy, forceps or vacuum Drawbacks Fatigue Sore knees Sore arms 5. Sitting, Reclining The resting position with gravity still on your side. Using this option periodically throughout labor and pushing can aid you in getting a resurgence of energy. There is nothing wrong with taking occasional breaks. Listen to your body. Increase blood pressure Easy monitoring Less chance of tearing Drawbacks Can slow labor when resting too long You’ve Got This! If labor wakes you in the middle of the night, and you are a low risk, normal, healthy woman- try to stay resting or sleeping as much as possible. Use your circadian rhythm to guide you as to when to take action or not. Alternating between resting positions and active movement throughout the labor and birth process can expedite your experience. Take time during pregnancy to practice getting into these positions with and without props and a partner. If you make an effort now to perfect these -sometimes awkward- positions, they will become instinctive rather than stressful. There is no right or wrong way to give birth, listen to your body. You can rock your labor in these positions and any that feel best for you. Happy Parenting-to-be!
Reasons You’re Not Getting Pregnant
There may be many reasons you’re not getting pregnant that you haven’t explored yet. Aside from the low odds of sperm and egg meeting due to lifestyle factors, let’s take a more in-depth look at other arguments, often overlooked, that couples struggle with when trying to conceive. Men and Reasons they’re not Getting you Pregnant Healthy sperm are made and transported effectively to meet the egg for successful conception. Some of the below conditions are irreversible, but almost all have alternative ways to achieve their goals. Lifestyle changes can help with other sperm conditions. Read everything to give yourself the best odds for success. The most common cause of infertility in men is varicocele (overheating). When the veins in the testicles are too large, similar to varicose veins in your legs, this, in turn, can cause heat to build up in the scrotum and reduce sperm count and viability. Approximately 10-15 of every 100 men have this problem. The cause is not clear but starts in puberty. He probably doesn’t even know he has this condition, or he may have felt some discomfort but didn’t understand why. It usually shows up above one of the testicles (left side is more common). A doctor may find the mass quickly or send him for an ultrasound. There are no medications to help with this condition. To help with fertility, he can have a procedure done to tie off blood supply to the spermatic cord. New sperm will grow in 3-4 months, and the doctor will check the sperm count. For some men, it can take a few cycles of new swimmers before conception is achieved. Low sperm count or oligospermia means that the semen he ejaculates during an orgasm contains fewer than 15 million sperm per milliliter. The complete absence of sperm is called azoospermia. Some signs of a low or no sperm count are; problems with sexual dysfunction (low sex drive, erectile dysfunction, etc.), pain-swelling or lump in testicle area, and decreased facial or body hair. Celiac disease is a digestive disorder caused by a sensitivity to gluten — chances of fertility increase after adopting a gluten-free diet. Certain medications: testosterone replacement therapy, long term anabolic steroid use, cancer medications (chemotherapy), certain antifungal medications, some ulcer drugs, and other treatments can cause sperm problems. Talk to your doctor about fertility and these medications. Prior surgeries; vasectomy, inguinal hernia repairs, scrotal or testicular surgeries, prostate surgeries, and extensive abdominal surgeries performed for testicular and rectal cancer. Most of these can be reversed, or sperm can be retrieved directly from epididymis and testicles. Tumors, cancers, and nonmalignant tumors can affect the male reproductive organs directly through the glands that release hormones related to reproduction, such as the pituitary gland or through unknown causes. Depending on where the tumor is, retrieval of healthy sperm may be Possible. Industrial chemicals- extended exposure to benzenes, toluene, xylene, pesticides, herbicides, organic solvents, painting materials, and lead will cause sperm disorders. Change in the environment can reverse most fertility issues related to toxins. Radiation or X-Rays-low doses shouldn’t pose a fertility problem once eliminated from the body. High doses of radiation can permanently reduce sperm count. Talk to your doctor about alternatives. Hormone disorders- hypothalamus, pituitary, thyroid, adrenal glands, diseases of testicles, low testosterone, gynecomastia (abnormal breast growth), and other hormonal problems have several possible underlying causes related to infertility. Usually, working with your health care team to adjust medications associated with these conditions can prove productive. Chromosome defects; inherited disorders such as Klinefelter’s syndrome- in which a male is born with 2 X chromosomes and 1 Y chromosome (instead of 1 Y and 1 X)- causes abnormal development of the male reproductive organs. Other genetic disorders that can cause issues with fertility include cystic fibrosis, Kallmann’s syndrome (inability to smell), and Kartagener’s syndrome (recurrent bronchitis and sinusitis). Your physician can help you evaluate your options with these problems. Injury to scrotal area; may be reversible with time and healing; talk to a physician. Heavy alcohol use-alcohol can lower testosterone, sperm quality, quantity, and motility. Sometimes it causes reduced libido and impotence. With the cessation of alcohol use, healthy sperm will regenerate with time. Drug use; while all drugs-legal and illegal- can have effects on sperm, the most commonly used is marijuana. THC (the active ingredient in marijuana) decreases sperm production and weakens sex drive by interfering with the creation of testosterone. It can directly affect the movement of sperm and prevent them from reaching their mark. Smoking- stop or reduce smoke exposure for increased odds of victory. Age; conception has a higher likelihood in men under the age of 40. Men between 20 and 80 have declining semen, sperm vitality, and sperm motility. Obesity; leads to a drop in testosterone, and erectile dysfunction is at a higher rate. Studies confirm male sperm counts are declining, and environmental factors may negatively impact spermatogenesis. Even global warming has recently been named as a factor in the decline of sperm. Stress from heatwaves reduces sperm number and viability in the latest research, including radio-frequency electromagnetic radiation from technology. Keep your cell phones and laptops off your lap. Anytime scrotum is being heated up, there is a chance of lower sperm and quality. Women and why they aren’t getting pregnant Producing a healthy pregnancy and baby will help build healthy eggs for the next generation. Females are born with the complete volume of eggs they will ever have. Taking good care of yourself through pregnancy will afford your female offspring the very best start to her motherhood journey. More Fun Facts about the Female Egg Eggs are enormous in comparison to other cells in the body. Eggs are precious and worth more than sperm because there’s a limited supply. Egg cells take years to grow up, unlike other cells in the body. Eggs are fragile. When “freezing” eggs, it involves the outer shell-like encasing them in glass. The insides do not freeze. Eggs age fast. After age 20, the percentage of viable eggs declines rapidly. Eggs are monogamous. Only
