Establishing Family Traditions
When considering establishing family traditions, examine the essence you are trying to bring out for the long haul. What do you want your little ones to gain from these rituals? How will your values affect the child as they grow-up? Our youngest (13) has recently admitted that she’s known about the lack of a Santa a few years now. We weren’t naive, we knew, but it was our last baby and hard to swallow the thought that Christmas would change forever. It is more fun to enjoy the looks of surprise on the little one’s faces throughout the holiday season, but now we can come clean about all the mishaps through the past celebrations and have a good laugh. My older adult kids have already passed on the tradition of lying to their children about the kind man who delivers presents every year, but most of the grandkids are far too young for a permanent memory of the traditions. Two of the six grandchildren are old enough to have expectations every year and notice when one thing is out of place. Their parents will have to decide how they want to establish family traditions that will work best for them. We don’t regret all the choices we’ve made raising them to have certain beliefs, but there are a few customs we might have done differently. None of my children were angry at us for lying about Santa or the other fictional characters (fairy godmother, Easter bunny, etc.), but it’s difficult to top the magic that comes when a child believes something cosmic will happen while they are sleeping. They grew up around families that didn’t believe in the same customs and had questions throughout their childhood, but assured me that they preferred the myth. Somehow they felt the other families were missing out on particular wizardry. Setting the Bar Setting the bar too high can become a debacle, though. It’s important to think it through once the kids are old enough to remember. We tend to be very impulsive those first years with holidays and birthdays being a big deal, but it’s in everyone’s best interest to carefully plan the activities. Think back to when you can recollect your first memory; what do you see? How old are you? Do you recall snippets or a full event? According to research, the earliest we can remember is 3 1/2 years old, but the lifelong memories-the ones that really matter- are recollected from about age 6. So that gives you 3-5 years to decide the best way to celebrate an occasion. It’s ok to go all out in the early years because the munchkin won’t remember all the details, but if they look back in pictures, it may backfire. Asking why they don’t have as many presents or certain pomp. With a myriad of traditions held in millions of households around the world, it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what is the right thing is for each family. Your upbringing will have a lot to do with the choices you make, but what if your partner grew up completely different? How will you combine your experiences and create the event to keep you both happy? If you grew up in a household that didn’t celebrate holidays or birthdays with any fanfare, then you have a blank slate to start with, use it wisely. The best part is that you can continually evolve with your children as you decide what is most important in your family. Christmas Family Traditions Since Christmas is around the corner, let’s look at some of the typical ways people establish family traditions during this time of year; Birth of Jesus Church functions Nativity Church Shopping excursions Decorate in and outside the house Work parties Santa Claus, St. Nicholas, Father Christmas Chop down a tree to decorate Buy an artificial tree Elf on the Shelf Gingerbread house Cookie exchange Holiday party Gift-giving Secret Santa Gift receiving Donate gifts to children Volunteer at a soup kitchen Christmas plays Advent Calendar Christmas shows/movies Christmas music Wreath Ugly sweaters Milk and cookies for Santa Reindeer food Christmas books Caroling Mistletoe Eggnog Poinsettias Holly/Ivy Yule Log Star of Bethlehem Pictures with Santa Visit family or friends Teacher gifts Friend gifts Christmas lights Cook a special meal As you can see, these activities can be pricey and time-consuming, putting a lot of stress on the parents. None of these are “musts,” but it’s hard in a world of commercialism not to feel the pressure to do most or all of these shenanigans. Even throwing a birthday party can break the bank and mental capacity for some parents. Even though it is wrong to compare your family to others, kids and adults will do it anyway. Adding even more pressure to the overly exhausting celebrations. “Why did Susie put up her tree on Thanksgiving, or why is it 10′ tall, or look how many gifts they have, or why don’t we decorate the front of the house?” Most children won’t remember every detail of every Christmas (or birthday), but they will remember how it felt around the holidays. What mood was in the air? How the house smelled? Were his parents fighting, stressed, happy, singing, or a grinch? They’ll possibly remember a favorite toy or activity they received or did for at least a few years. One thing is for sure; kids will have certain expectations each year. If you set up a tree every December 1, be prepared to continue that tradition. If each child opens ten presents on Christmas morning, don’t disappoint this year. It’s not that you can’t change your rituals, it’s more about what precedence we set and how we can make subtle changes without them noticing. Traditions Must Go On Those formidable years that memories formed will force parents into continuing those Christmas habits even when they aren’t up to the task. What if there was a death, divorce, illness, or job loss around this time of year? The children don’t
Santa’s Lap Shenanigans
The line for the Santa’s lap shenanigans in this small, unpopular mall was around the corner six days before Christmas. I counted 87 people in line, give or take a few kids running in and out of the line; most of them would not be sitting on Santa’s lap. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teens, friends all came out to see little Susie’s reaction to the jolly old man in red. Many children in line had been there over an hour already, and you can see the kids getting close to Santa were having a hard time holding themselves together. By the time this particular family reached the “prize,” one of the three munchkins in tow had an all-out meltdown. High-decibel screaming, real tears, throw himself on the floor, temper tantrum without audible words. Completely ruining the moment for the family as a whole and causing a scene that had a small scale, a similar reaction from close by toddlers waiting their turn. The other kids were about three and five years old and looked horrified by their brother’s display of discourteous behavior, who must’ve been about two. Since I was in the mall to buy gifts (yes, I still leave the house to shop), I took notice of this debacle while standing in line for maybe 3 minutes to order a drink close-by to the Santa shenanigans. What caught my attention was the murmurs of parents I heard behind me telling their offspring that they HAD to sit on Santa’s lap for the traditional family picture. These cherubs were a little older, about 5-6-7 years old. I specifically heard one say she didn’t like the way he looked (she was the oldest in the clan), and the other said: “I think he is creepy.” Mom and dad blew it off and said, “don’t be ridiculous; this one looks better than last year.” The youngest of the crew was quiet and shy following his siblings. Possibly unsure if he wants to please his parents, his siblings, or listen to his inner voice. Maybe even deciding if he knows what that is. My own inner voice began running a list of questions in my head. The who, what, when, where, why, and how did this tradition begin? I knew the history of the Santa Claus fable and the validity of a saint named Nicholas from Turkey who was kind and giving to children. Still, nowhere had I ever remembered reading or learning about the tradition of sitting on anyone’s lap for a picture. Matter of fact, I couldn’t even remember a time as a little one myself that mom brought me to a mall to sit on a scary-looking stranger’s lap. The earliest recollection I have is as a teen with my friends. Probably more as a dare than anything else. Apparently, my mother didn’t make a big deal over my being a good girl and telling Santa what I wanted for Christmas while sitting on his lap for an outrageous price. I had no idea of life otherwise. The Shenanigans in our Family The oldest of my children, born in May 1988, had not been subject to the first Christmas Santa’s lap shenanigans. She was spared the scary tradition as an infant, but my next baby not so much. Born November 1990, my sleeping newborn was put in a stranger’s lap for her first flash along with my 2-year-old who possibly enjoyed the intimidating, large man. Neither protested, and as young, new parents, we didn’t think anything uncomfortable about it. At least this was an all-inclusive shindig at the American Legion party where we knew who was in costume. The next Christmas at the same party with my then one and 3-year-old didn’t go as smoothly. The one-year-old shared her disdain for all creepy characters for the rest of her childhood. We have pictures to prove it. That’s right; we put a crying baby on a character’s lap in those early years, sometimes. Truthfully, it was the Santa picture we were primarily after, not the other cartoons. Approximately every two years, we added another child to the mix. At the time, I thought she’d be sad if she looked back and didn’t see herself in those early Christmas traditional pictures. Nothing is further from the truth. Indeed, the historical images we fetch out each year without a child or two in them have a better story to tell. Explaining to my now adult daughter, the series of events around specific pictures is almost comical. While her siblings didn’t balk about the creepy people dressed to impress little ones, this one fear was non-negotiable to this young mind. Even when we went to Disney World, she was 12 years old, walking up to the characters was not her thing, but we do have a few pictures that she was a part of, clearly with trepidation on her face. Today she has children of her own who may or may not like to get close to a character depending on their mood. Still, my daughter subjects them to the same shenanigans — no pressure, no deep-seated scars from her own fears, and no resentment to her parents. The Importance of the Rouse As parents, honestly, we let her guide us during her childhood. She taught us to respect each child as an individual and not assume the all or nothing rouse. Eventually, when she was old enough to explain herself, we stopped having any expectations of any character involvement. It was clear that bringing her in the vicinity of any masked person made her anxious. Certainly not worth the picture. I did some digging after my recent mall trip; I was after the history surrounding the Santa’s lap story. I didn’t go back; I just wanted to find the information surrounding the lap sitting, picture taking Christmas tradition. The information I found was intriguing but disappointing all the same. Aside from the lack of Jesus in the modern Christmas story, Santa Claus
