Life’s Lessons
Life’s lessons from teenager to adult can become confusing. Single parenting is nothing to sneeze at, especially with an 8-month-old baby. Finding a job I could bring my baby to was not easy, but it worked itself out. I kept my medical assisting job on weekends when my ex had my daughter, but I didn’t trust anyone else to watch her except a few close friends. Even my mom, who lived 40 miles away, couldn’t help me out, so bringing my baby to work was a must. Co-parenting was not easy at all. There is this grieving process that everyone goes through when you end a relationship, and it can make for a bitter divorce. We tried hard to give my daughter the best of both worlds, but eventually, we both had another partner, and that changed the landscape. Moving Forward I met my new husband at the job I was working and tried to set him up with my best friend. Honestly, I wasn’t looking for a relationship; I was happy just being a mom. He and my friend didn’t hit it off that night, and I felt terrible, so I sat and talked to him instead. With a lot of coaxing over the next six months, I finally agreed to date him, and the rest was history. He was seven years older than me, so we didn’t waste time getting married and having four children together. I had a total of 5 children by the time I was 28, and he was 35. This was my dream family, right? Yes and no. Being a mom of 5 was what I wanted (yes, my husband did too), but I was still looking for a connection that I wasn’t going to find. We struggled with the balance between parenting and keeping our relationship together, as do most families! Not to mention the stress associated with being a stepparent and dealing with my ex and his new wife. I still needed to find the missing pieces in my life but didn’t know what they were. Around the same time, I started to teach childbirth and breastfeeding classes plus attend births as a doula. A lot of significant changes were happening to me. I loved being a full-time mother and part-time birth worker. My career was the ultimate dream for me, but mothering was my primary focus. My new husband had the “ideal” family in my eyes, and I fell in love with all of them. It was easy to soak up the love and attention his family gave to my children and me. Including replacing those missed connections, I yearned for due to my mother and father’s absence in my life. I temporarily felt a connection to something larger than myself. It was fulfilling, but deep inside, I still missed my own “family,” whatever that was. My mother was still dealing with her very sick husband, who died of brain cancer ten days after I delivered baby number 2. Her rocky relationship with him and his alcoholism took a significant toll on her and our relationship. Working through that didn’t come until mom was free to care for herself. Honestly, it took 20 years to mend our broken relationship. It was always a work in progress. Finding My Missing Parent After my 1st baby was born, I asked the Salvation Army to help me find my father (I was very resourceful). My mother never really gave me much information, except that he may have moved to Florida a long time ago, and I knew his full name. I could never understand why or how anyone could bring a child into this world and not want to know him or her. To my thinking, my father had to be pining for his long, lost daughter. Of course, throughout my childhood, I threatened my mom that I would find this “idol” (it was just the right phrase to get her attention at the time) and live with him happily ever after. Naturally, as any young girl would, I had put this “demigod” on a pedestal my whole life. It was hard to have my dreams shattered once we connected. Don’t get me wrong; I’m satisfied that I did seek him out and form a relationship of sorts. It was the right thing to do and exciting to get that call 2 ½ years later that the Salvation Army found him. As a young 23-year-old married twice with two kids who felt like she was years ahead of her time, meeting my father and his family was beyond my comprehension. That call was a dream come true. My father had remarried, had two young daughters and two teenage stepsons. It was initially exciting to find out I had sisters. They were only 4 and 6 years old, but it was nice to know I shared genetics with someone. I was so excited to meet these strangers that I never thought of the “what if “…what if he is a bad person, doesn’t love me, or we don’t get along. Since I’d always put him on a pedestal, it never crossed my mind that I might be disappointed. Learning Life’s Lessons I’ll spare you the details here, but the synopsis is that we flew to him in Florida and stayed a few days at their house for the first meeting. Mistake number 1! I Invited them to come to visit, ANYTIME, mistake number 2! Sure, you can stay at our house, mistake number 3! For three years, they had come to stay at our home every few months for weeks at a time without even a warning, an offer of money, food contribution, clean up, cook a meal, or help in any form. They sucked the life out of my husband and me, so much so that we disappeared when we moved. We did not leave a forwarding of anything. I have not been in touch with that family since. Nor has anyone ever
When You Need More Fertility Help
When you need more fertility help it can be confusing. The medical jargon and technical terms are beyond the layperson’s understanding. Infertility is already stressful so let’s unveil the puzzle in simpler terms. We’ve covered a lot of ground on a subject that should not be this burdensome. As I mentioned in the beginning, humans grow up believing that it is a right of passage to produce offspring, not a difficult feat with blood, sweat, and tears. If you’re reading this and have seen your tale told here, I’m sending you a hug and positive energy. While that may not be enough, getting the people you associate with on board with your dilemma could change your passageway. Surround yourself with a supportive, loving, and understanding community while you navigate this very personal journey. Talk to those closest to you and share your deepest feelings. Sometimes what’s holding up a viable pregnancy comes from the heart. Treatments to facilitate conception when you need more fertility help Medication– keep in mind that fertility medications can increase the chances of multiple pregnancies, and you may have a high-risk pregnancy as well as a premature delivery. Most commonly used: Clomid or Femara (an alternate to Clomid)- both suitable for treating ovulatory dysfunction, unexplained infertility and may be used in men. This oral tablet is used alongside other medications/treatments or alone. Side effects and risks are mild compared to injectable fertility drugs. Gonadotropins-These are the most potent ovulation stimulating drugs. Taken by injection and can be used alongside other medications or during IUI or IVF treatment. Men can also use this medication for the improvement of testosterone levels and semen health. Side effects are more extreme, and the chances of having multiples are significantly higher. Ovulation Suppression Medications- help, especially during IVF treatment or to coordinate cycles with a potential egg donor or surrogate. These medications can help doctors manage the release of the egg making retrieval more successful. Birth control pills & GnRH antagonists (they work against the LH & FSH) are most popular. They can be pills, injections, nasal sprays, or implants. As with other fertility meds, there are risks and side effects. Aspirin or heparin- used to treat women with recurrent miscarriages or bleeding disorders. Progesterone- The most frequently used medication during IVF, luteal phase defect, or recurrent miscarriages and placed as a vaginal suppository or injection. Estrogen-used to improve cervical mucus, thicken the endometrial lining, or if there is pain during intercourse due to vaginal dryness, which can all be a side effect of Clomid as well. Most commonly used as a vaginal suppository or patch. Glucophage or Metformin- used to treat insulin resistance but can also restart or regulate ovulation in women with PCOS. Antibiotics- if there is an infection in the reproductive tract. When left untreated, scarring can form and block the passageway for egg and sperm to meet. Parlodel or Dostinex are sometimes used to lower high prolactin levels. Prolactin is the hormone responsible for breast development and lactation. This malfunction can cause ovulation problems in women and low sperm count in men. Thyroid regulating medications are for an under or overacting thyroid. A misfiring control center (your thyroid) can create fertility problems in men and women. Surgical– clear any blockages in the reproductive organs of male or female. Types of surgeries; Hysteroscopy- a doctor will use a hysteroscope to look at the lining of the uterus, check shape and size and check for blockages. Laparoscopy- this tool is minimally invasive, uses a telescopic camera system, and can help medical professionals get a clear picture inside the abdominal cavity and reproductive organs. Most suspicious abnormalities can be taken care of during the procedure. Tubal ligation reversal- this can help reopen the Fallopian tubes to help restore a woman’s fertility. DaVinci robotic surgery is a great tool to use if you have an appropriately trained physician. It is for exploratory, reversal, or restoration of the reproductive system. Artificial treatments Artificial insemination- the medical procedure of injecting semen into the vagina or uterus to achieve pregnancy without sexual intercourse. Helping couples deal with: Male factor infertility Unexplained infertility Single and needing donor sperm The two types of artificial insemination; IUI- intrauterine insemination-is the most common insemination procedure used today. The sperm go through a process of “washing” to increase the concentration and decrease chances of an allergic reaction and or toxic chemicals. ICI- intracervical insemination- sperm is placed into the vagina and deposited into the cervix with a soft catheter. Less effective. If donor sperm is used, it will then be analyzed for a variety of health conditions and viruses, including HIV and other infections. Current guidelines recommend donor sperm be quarantined for at least six months to ensure its safety. Assisted reproductive technology “ART”- this includes all fertility treatments in which both eggs and embryos are handled. ART involves surgically removing eggs from the ovaries, combining them with sperm in the lab, and returning them to the woman’s body or donating to another woman. Learn more about ART below: IVF-In Vitro fertilization-involves the joining of egg and sperm in a dish and transferring the resulting embryos into the womb. Most commonly used ICSI- intracytoplasmic sperm injection- is a variant in IVF in which a single sperm is injected into each egg. Used when there are semen abnormalities or for couples who’ve failed fertilization. Donor egg IVF- used when the female partner has poor quality eggs and requires healthier, younger eggs from a donor. Gestational carrier IVF-the procedure is the same, except the resulting embryos, are transferred into a gestational carrier. This woman will grow the child, give birth, and hand baby over to the couple whose embryo was implanted. GIFT- Gamete intrafallopian Transfer- the eggs are harvested just like IVF. Still, the eggs & sperm are put into the Fallopian tube where fertilization happens, instead of fertilizing in the lab. ZIFT- Zygote Intrafallopian Transfer- similar to IVF but involves transfer of the fertilized egg (the zygote) into the Fallopian tube at the time of laparoscopy. TET- Tubal embryo transfer-same as
