One Baby, Please, Hold the Sugar: A Birth Story
One baby, please, hold the sugar is my daughter’s birth story told from her perspective. These words are her own and don’t necessarily express my personal views or opinions. I welcome all women to share their birth stories! Please contact me if you’d like to publish your birth story on The Incomplete Guide to Parenting. If you are interested in my doula or lactation services, please visit my website Disclaimer: No artificial sweeteners here I’ve gone back and forth about putting my story out into the world. I never wanted to scare anyone, and so when asked, I would come up with a glossed over, toned down version of my story, the “polite” version. But I recently read a birth story that was such a blatant bunch of sugar-coated bull**** that I laughed out loud. I felt like it skirted over the gory details to maintain that polite, perfect facade. The thing is, those kinds of stories hurt me (and many others no doubt) because while I know they’re not honest, there’s a part of me that questions it. Was my experience so out of the ordinary? Why do all these women talk about their births like it was a beautiful dream come true while I still have nightmares about mine? I catch myself feeling resentful towards those moms, and that’s not fair of me either. But it’s how I feel, and I know I’m not the only one. This story is not one of rainbows and candy-coated truths. This story is real and raw, and if that’s not something you can or want to hear, I suggest you move along. I tell my story the way it is because I owe it to myself and to every other woman out there who wonders if she alone has suffered. I hope that others might find solace in knowing that they are not alone and that they might find the strength to talk about their own authentic experiences. Birth: Early Labor I went into labor on a quiet Saturday morning in October. It was 2 am when I awoke to mild contractions. I was five days past my due date and had been impatient for the last couple of weeks, so I eagerly began timing them and saw that they were about 10 minutes apart. I didn’t want to get my hopes up – I’d had Braxton Hicks a few times already. So I tried to relax and go back to sleep, but the contractions continued. Around 6 am, my husband stirred a bit beside me, so I took the opportunity to tell him that I believed labor had started. We were both well prepared for a long haul. I’ve watched and learned from my mom’s and sisters’ pregnancies and knew that, especially for first-time moms, labor could take a while to get going. So we went about our business as usual. I showered and made pancakes. I almost would have forgotten that I was in labor if I didn’t get a little twinge in my back every ten minutes. My mom – who’s also my doula and lactation consultant – had an event to go to that afternoon. She offered to skip it, but I waved her off. I’m sure nothing will happen before tonight at the earliest, I said. Oh, boy was I wrong. Birth: Active Labor It was so sudden. I was taking a bath. One minute I felt relaxed, and the next, my body was just in agony. Contractions – real contractions, not those mild early labor contractions – feel white-hot and twisted, like someone’s wringing your organs as you burn from the inside out. I was crying, and I grabbed my phone to text my husband to come be with me. He timed my next few contractions, and we realized they were 2-4 minutes apart. I was so prepared for a drawn-out labor, but here I was only 10 hours from the first contraction and suddenly in active labor. The shock of it all had me feeling whiplashed. It was barely noon. Should we be going to the hospital? It didn’t seem logical. We called my mom so she could drive with us. She reminded me that I could be expected to labor outside the hospital if I wasn’t dilated enough to be admitted. I hesitated, but at this point, I was barely speaking and was spending a lot of time doubled over crying, so we went. “Contractions feel white-hot and twisted, like someone’s wringing your organs as you burn from the inside out.” The 40-minute drive to the hospital was not pleasant. My contractions were now just one minute apart, lasting for a minute or less. I contracted approximately 20 times in the back seat of a small sedan, crying into my husband’s shoulders while my mom rubbed my back. Being in labor anywhere sucks, but it somehow sucks even worse when you’re confined to a small space. When we finally got there, I was desperate to get in the tub as I had planned for a water birth. I didn’t want an epidural, so being in the water was crucial for me. And what a world of a difference it made. I was still contracting hard and fast, but it was so much more manageable. Birth: Transition My midwife met us upon arrival. She’d watched me through a contraction and admitted me but didn’t check to see how dilated I was. After laboring in the tub a bit, I wanted to know what kind of progress we were making, if any, so I asked her to check me. I was 9.5 centimeters dilated, and the baby was in the -1 station. I was shocked. It was about 1:30 pm. I’d been in active labor for less than 2 hours. I started to feel hopeful that our baby would be born quickly. (Haha that didn’t happen) My water had yet to break, and I was impatient, so I eventually asked my midwife to break
Milk Coming In
Milk-coming-in is part of the changes you experience after the delivery of your progeny. Your body has been making all the necessary preparations since egg and sperm met. Possibly you’ve even seen a discharge from the nipple occasionally during pregnancy. Remember you’ve spent 40 weeks creating life and now you need to sustain that life. At first, women worry whether milk will come in but after a few days, they realize how bountiful their yield is. Engorgement is when the breast tissue overfills with milk, blood, and other fluids. It may cause your breasts to feel very full, to become hard and painful, and your nipples to flatten and tighten. Engorgement is a temporary stage to the milk-coming-in part of breastfeeding. Milk-coming-in is part of the changes you experience after the delivery of your progeny. Your body has been making all the necessary preparations since egg and sperm met. Possibly you’ve even seen a discharge from the nipple occasionally during pregnancy. Remember you’ve spent 40 weeks creating life and now you need to sustain that life. At first, women worry whether milk will come in but after a few days, they realize how bountiful their yield is. This phenomenon is called engorgement. “Engorgement is when the breast tissue overfills with milk, blood, and other fluids. It may cause your breasts to feel very full, to become hard and painful, and your nipples to flatten and tighten. Engorgement is a temporary stage to the milk-coming-in part of breastfeeding. Most women have heard the stories of nipple pain, but some may not have anticipated “breast” pain. To wake up one morning about 2-5 days after delivery, and find you have “rocks” as breasts can be quite overwhelming. You’ve likely just left the hospital or birth center and have yet to settle in at home when you feel such intense changes to your breast. If you’re lucky you experience these changes while still in hospital and you get as much help as possible to navigate milk-coming-in. My memory of milk-coming-in the first go-around was quite pronounced. Baby and I took a much-needed nap after being discharged from the hospital on day 3. I woke up 5 hours later with “Dolly Parton” breasts and a screaming newborn. In truth, I couldn’t get her to latch due to their enormous size and flattened nipples. My husband and I spent hours trying to console and feed my baby to no avail. We thought she was ill and returned to the hospital. The nurse in the emergency room put us in a dark, quiet room and latched her right away. It had been 12 hours since she had eaten and my breasts were emptied. What a relief it was to have more comfortable breasts and a content baby! I hope the information you learn from this blog, prevents you from experiencing the extreme situation I was in. Engorgement Expectations & Treatments Lactogenisis is the period when the breasts start to produce transitional milk. At the start of this phase, the breasts may feel warm to the touch, lumpy, and you may have a low-grade fever (under 101). The more medication and fluids you have in labor, the more engorged your breasts will be. Your nipples are an extremity, and fluid builds up in all extremities. Think of how tight your hands and feet feel and imagine the same thing happening to your nipple area. You can use reverse pressure softening to reduce the discomfort in your breast. Most healthy, normal, uncomplicated births of healthy mothers should notice a change to their breasts within 48-72 hours — the more complicated the delivery, the slower the transition from colostrum to transitional milk to mature milk. If you do not notice any changes to your breasts by day five, please call your lactation consultant. Your breasts can feel like they will burst at times when you’ve gone too long between feeds. This feeling can also be felt up in the armpit and be uncomfortable to put your arms down. Use warm compresses before feeding and ice after feeding on those sore areas. You should feel relief or softening after feeding. If you don’t think there is any change to your breast after the feeding (and baby is not content), use a warm compress and massage before trying another feeding. If baby transferred milk (and is content), but you are still uncomfortable use warm compresses and hand-expression to help soften. Pumping is a last resort. The more you feed on demand from birth (minimum of 8-15 times per day in the first week), the less uncomfortable this phase is. When you feed on a schedule, the more painful and long-lasting the changeover will be and the less milk you will make. If the baby is unable to go directly to the breast to feed or is not emptying well due to health concerns, you must pump both breasts 8-15 times per day for 15 minutes by electric pump. If you are not getting relief with the pump, consider troubleshooting pump pieces and or a new, improved pump. Your breasts will feel sore to the touch, and you will not want to touch them, but this will give you relief the fastest. If you can spend a few minutes massaging the breasts in the shower and feed quickly after exiting, you can remedy the pressure build-up in the breast. Don’t be shy, use gentle pressure in a circular, top to bottom motion as often as possible to keep engorgement from intensifying. Wear a supportive but not compression bra. Sports bras and underwires are generally too restrictive! Make sure the fit is appropriately-sized for your changing body. You may need a new one, get yourself sized by a professional. Along the same lines, do not put any undue pressure on breasts-sleeping on them or holding the breast too tight, like a vice grip. This pressure may impede overall milk supply and or “dry up” your milk. Use buoyancy when all else fails. Float your breasts
Quick Tips to Help with Painful Nipples
These quick tips to help with painful nipples can be used in conjunction with or without lactation support. There is no shame in asking for help. Many times we just need someone to tell us we are doing everything right. Please seek the advice of your healthcare practitioner if you are not healing or feeling secure in your feeding. Hopefully, you’ve already asked and answered the questions relevant to understanding pain issues and breastfeeding. You may find you need to get professional help, but in the meantime, you could try a few tips below. The suggestions listed can aid in the healing process of sore nipples. Always check for proper latch first. Change positions. Check for proper fit of your pumping kit/flanges (look on the website of brand you own). Stay topless as much as possible after a feed to air dry your nipples with your milk. Use expressed breastmilk when healing any abrasions. Warm soaks with or without Epsom salt (before a feed). Cold compresses after a feed (unless you have Raynaud’s or vasospasms). Coconut or olive oil can help when mom puts a shirt/bra on. Food grade, not from the beauty section. Silverettes can be placed over nipples to help heal cracks or abrasions. Please make sure they are pure silver for the best effect. Lanolin can be a lifesaver for most if you’re not sensitive to wool or sheep. When allergic, some prefer lanolin-free products. If you have been using a cream/oil for longer than a week with no relief, stop! Try something else. All-purpose nipple ointment can be a lifesaver if you have a bacteria or fungus on nipples. Bring this information to your obstetrician or pediatrician to get the prescription. Hydrogel pads– The Ameda brand lasts longer than others. Avoid using soap of any type on your nipples. Feed on 1 breast per feed, if the baby is gaining well. Allow more extended time in between breast use! Take a feeding vacation-Spend 2-4 days exclusively pumping if this is more comfortable and finger, cup, medicine dropper or syringe feed. Some women use breast shells to keep the clothes from rubbing on nipples. Make sure they fit appropriately if you choose to use them. Do not use a nipple shield exclusively to fix the pain. Nipple shields can be a lifesaver in certain drastic instances but are meant for the inverted nipple. Consider being evaluated for yeast. Consider an evaluation for tongue or lip tie with an expert in the field. Talk to your friends who have had their baby’s’ evaluated. Some pediatricians will not advise you on the subject. Consider having the baby assessed by an alternative expert in infant feeding issues (chiropractor, cranial-sacral therapist, speech pathologist, otolaryngologist, etc.). Consider an online evaluation by an expert. Have an IBCLC assess in-home or office visits. You don’t need expensive creams to get through this. Your milk is living microorganisms that can heal almost anything. Be patient, and reach out if you are still suffering. Remember, breastfeeding should not hurt. You can feel sensitive, but cringing through every feed is not appropriate. If you click some of the links I’ve added to this educational information, I may earn a few cents to help keep this operational. There are various pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, and newborn products that have been tried and true for many mamas out there. I’ve either used these products myself or trust the recommendations from the moms I serve and choose to pass on the great tips. Win-Win
How to Keep Breastfeeding Comfortable
To master how to keep breastfeeding comfortable can take time and patience but feeling pain shouldn’t be part of the equation. It’s hard to know what breastfeeding should feel like if it’s your first time. You’ve probably heard women tell stories of nipple and or breast pain at one time or another. Maybe you’ve witnessed someone wincing or crying out while feeding. Or perhaps you have experienced this yourself. Some women think suffering is part of the natural process of being a successful breastfeeding mother. What no one tells you is that breastfeeding should not be painful. Sure, you’ve never done this, and you may feel “tender” for the first week or two, but that’s it. Typically, in the first minute of the feeding. A strong tugging and pulling sensation is appropriate. A pinching, biting, or burning feeling is not. Statistically, most women with pain throughout feedings are incorrectly latching the baby. Yes, everyone does have a different pain perception, so deciding what is reasonable can be a struggle for some mothers who seem to be doing everything right. Questions to Keep Breastfeeding Comfortable Are you in the early weeks postpartum? Are you supporting the breast and baby’s head with your hands? Has baby turned tummy to tummy? Are his ear, nose, and hip in alignment? Are you bringing the baby to your breast, not leaning into the baby? Is baby opening wide, like a yawn, when bringing him to latch? Do you feel tugging/pulling? Are your nipples intact? Long, but rounded when baby pulls off. Not flat like a pancake. Have you tried different positions? If you answered yes to most of the above questions, then tenderness should be getting better by 2-3 weeks. Otherwise, keep reading: When More Help is Needed Are you fair-skinned with light or red hair? Are your nipples usually sensitive? Some women don’t even like to be touched. Do you have Raynaud’s Syndrome, vascular disorders or fibromyalgia? Have you recently (past few months) had a yeast infection, used antibiotics or corticosteroids (asthma), or have a baby with thrush or diaper rash? Could the baby be tongue or lip tied? Have you ever had surgery to your breast or chest? Do you feel pinching or biting throughout the feed? Are your nipples cracked? Do you take any medicine or herbal supplements? Are you using something on your nipples for comfort? Do you use a breast pump? What type of bra and or breast pads are you using? If you’ve answered yes to any of #1-12, please reach out to your lactation consultant or la leche league leader. A phone consult can be helpful in certain instances, or for a visual assessment, you should go on FaceTime or Skype. Understand that a better perception of the whole picture may take working one on one with an expert in the field to keep breastfeeding comfortable. Make an appointment for a home or office visit with an IBCLC as soon as possible. Most important, know that this is temporary. With help, time, and patience, you could be on the road to a more comfortable breastfeeding journey. Happy Parenting!
