It’s Ok to Grieve the Pandemic
It’s ok to grieve the pandemic and any other life altering challenge! Existing during a pandemic is hard – to put it mildly. I’m quite sure we who have lived long enough to understand the crisis’ of our history, never thought we’d live through a pandemic such as this one. With modern medicine, intelligent minds, and progressive technology, the thought of a microscopic bug taking over the world sounds ludicrous. However, here we are, smack dab in the middle of an unexpected catastrophe. In January, three months ago, before we knew the impact COVID19 would have on our lives, I fell down the stairs in my home. It is a boring story to tell as all I did was slip on a carpeted step with socks on. This small succession of events has me still in an air cast and unable to perform simple tasks. I broke my foot & tore off a ligament, cracked the ankle bone, and tore a ligament on the inner part of my knee. How? I have no idea! Who knows when or if I will have a full recovery and go about my life as I did before. New normal But I am not sharing this story for your sympathy or attention, as I know the horror and grief COVID19 has had on a large portion of the world, and my drama is menial. When I got hurt, I was angry at how a small step could radically change my life. I went through all the grieving stages- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (sort-of, it’s a struggle). Of course, in hindsight, I realize how immature I was (am) acting, but it’s how I felt. For whatever reason, the law of nature or God or whatever you believe had an unfamiliar and peculiar path for me. Getting used to my “new normal,” albeit is temporary, but when you are dealing with crutches in snow and ice or going up and down the very stairs that made this happen, it feels like an eternity. Not to mention that I have yet to sleep a full night straight, thanks to the knee pain. It takes a lot of internal talking to convince yourself that “this too shall pass” when in the thick of it. Since then, the world in which I’ve known for half a century has been altered beyond repair. Never mind my fall having what feels like a profound effect (on me), or the emotional struggle of learning acceptance-but a deep wound has been carved into humanity. The unthinkable has happened, and WE all have to grieve our old life. It’s ok to grieve the pandemic. Possibly the mind transformation I’ve had to make since my injury was a precursor to the large scale erudite that comes with a pandemic. Under that cloak, I can view the accident as a blessing. I was already conforming to the essential changes needed to overcome my dilemma, physically and mentally. By no means am I suggesting this pandemic has been light on my soul but merely pointing out how one could look at tragedy differently-sometimes? Rediscovery In my neck of the woods, it has been 45 days since lockdown. In other words, we’ve had 45 days to work through those grief-stages to get to the acceptance part. Once we can accept our life as it is, everything else falls into place. I’m not proposing that we don’t take the appropriate steps needed to lead a life as close to normal AND safe. I’m suggesting that we rediscover our old life with new panoramic glasses on. Putting aside the pain and suffering of those families closely affected by this minuscule bug, there is something to be said for a “do-over.” Wouldn’t you like to go on an adventure through your past, present, and future with a few ghosts? Maybe clarity will come to us as it did for Ebenezer Scrooge. It’s ok to learn a different normal, to try something new, to seek better, and have a unique takeaway about life as you know it now. Use this calamity as a springboard to find what you were looking for before this affliction. With a bit of slack on the noose over the next few weeks, our state may have another six weeks or more to find ourselves in uncharted territories. Yes, it’s scary, and I’d like nothing more than to leave my house and not worry about those tiny parasites looking to take over the rest of the world, but I’ve learned acceptance. I’m treading water like the rest of you, but with a glass-half-full attitude. Who Knows Who knows if, with enough positivity and progressive change inward and outward, we might be able to kick this bug’s butt! I’d love to trust, like Elf, when everyone puts enough belief in Santa to make the reindeer lift off and fly. That togetherness is what I’m talking about. Instead of focusing on the negative and harshly judging yourself or your neighbors, work on acceptance and support for each other. After all, there is more virus’ in the world then stars in the sky, and we’ve learned to co-exist since the beginning of time.
Parenting in a Pandemic
Parenting in a pandemic can be overwhelming, even for the most level headed parents. We are called upon to dig down deep into our hearts and souls and find all the good we can to transfer onto the worried children we are trying to protect- much easier said than done! The majority of the universe has never lived through a pandemic such as this. It’s not to say that we haven’t had horrible things happen in our lifetime- including other pandemics- but the worst-before now-was in 1918 and most of that generation has left this earth. Not to minimize some of these runner ups: Spanish Flu Tuberculosis Small Pox Plague Cholera outbreak Swine Flu SARS coronavirus Russian Flu Hong Kong flu Serum run to Nome (diphtheria) Malaria West Bank fainting epidemic HIV/AIDS I imagine you may have never heard of some of these (West Bank Fainting???), like myself. Still, some health problems do occasionally get out of control. Since we only get what the government and media want us to understand many of the scarier things happening around the planet are left out. Or we get fed dreadful news with no validity. Either way, despite free speech, we can’t honestly know the facts unless we are in the frontlines. Leaving us to do the best we can with the knowledge and resources we’ve managed to muster up. Parenting Priorities in a Pandemic Parenting during any catastrophe can bring us to our knees. Even smaller things like moving, divorce, illness, and mental health issues can create bewilderment. As if we didn’t already question what morals, ethics, and values to put upon our children. Today we need to reteach what we thought was once critical to their well-being. In the face of obscurity, parents need to put their game-face on and show solidarity, tenacity, and intelligence, all while charming the children. Our predecessors, and many parents around the world-even before today, live a horrifying daily regimen of safety, nourishment, and health. There isn’t time to entertain their offspring or worry whether they have instilled the right values, etc. every day is about survival. A life of “putting out fires”; each day is based upon those three essential needs. If you are lucky enough to have a screen to read-this-on as well as access to the internet, then I’d say you’re doing well! We contemporary parents may be in uncharted territory, but primarily those of you scrutinizing this blog is safe, fed, and healthy. While it doesn’t take away the concerns you live with day-in and day-out, you should find solace in knowing our species are strong and can pull through this. You and your family will find a new norm and master creativity. Reality Parenting in a pandemic can be just what the children and earth ordered. Possibly we didn’t notice the messages they were sending subliminal or overt. Perhaps we weren’t listening to our own inner-voice begging for a break from the “rat-race.” Look for the silver lining that can bring a new peace to you and your family. Embrace this! Take the time to observe your children, each individually. Find what makes each person tick in your family. Spend time listening to what their heart is saying. Not what you think you know. Be supportive of how their own pandemic anxieties can alter who they potentially evolve into. Accept their differences and don’t try to box them together. You may be surprised at the parts of them you missed. Most of us have all the time to invest in this endeavor now, but we are too caught up in the crisis to take a step back and absorb the positive pieces of our new world. Children will react based on our words and body language. If we make good of the situation, so too will they. Smile, interact, and be present with your family to gain the most from this vexing situation. Before you know it, school and work will resume at maximum capacity, and we will wish for the lazy days from the past. Prologue I wouldn’t want you to leave this blog feeling that the author had no sense of empathy for all of those affected by the COVID19 pandemic. Or that “being present” with your family is simple. Indeed, we all have our mountains to climb when it comes to the acceptance of the current situation. Some of us are “essential” and not able to spend time with our kids the way we once knew-for their safety! Others may be struggling with their own anxiety/depression demons related to the extreme worry we feel. While the rest of us battle parenting guilt because we can’t deal with the energy of the couped up monsters stuck in our homes! It’s ok to make out of this crisis what you can. I’m merely suggesting to center yourself and look for the bright light whenever possible! Parenting in a pandemic can be better than it appears. Hang in there, and stay safe, everyone!
