Why You Should Have a Doula
By definition a Doula is someone who gives emotional, physical & educational support to a pregnant, laboring and or postpartum mother. Traditionally, this woman (or man) has gone through an educational training, an apprenticeship and or attended women (for free) at least 20 times before venturing out on her own. She is also a teacher and offers childbirth, breastfeeding and baby care classes as well. Some doulas will become a specialist in certain aspects of birth or postpartum and only offer services reflecting that. For instance, the woman who prefers to do all the teaching but not attend the birth, or the person who only wants to attend a home or hospital birth and of course the woman who may only attend women in the postpartum period. Helping the new mother adjust to a newborn baby or breastfeeding. Most doulas are well versed in all aspects of care and choose to stick to a family from beginning to the end of this journey. Several doulas will become a friend for life. Why do I need a Doula? Statistically speaking, doulas have been known to reduce anxiety and physical problems in the pregnancy, birth & postpartum time. The knowledge and experience they bring to the table are priceless. Since you are hiring her for this expertise, she can give you undivided attention. The difference between her and your care provider is the quality & quantity of time she can commit. Basically, doulas fill in the blanks. If you’ve gone for a prenatal check up and forgot to ask a question you can call your Doula to assist with an answer. During labor, she will stay with you from start to finish. You won’t be left to labor alone. She will guide you and your partner on tips to help through this beautiful but challenging experience. A Doula is a continuous part of your birth team. She is not a replacement to your family or care providers. Isn’t my partner my Doula? Partners have a significant place on the birth team, but they are learning like you and can’t provide the skill set that a doula can. While the partner can offer the emotional attention and fill in the kisses and hugs to the laboring mother, he/she can’t give assurance to you without reaching out to the medical team or doula. The Doula is also providing the partner and other family members with a break to use the restroom, time to eat or drink something, a chance to go outside and breath fresh air, take/ make a phone call if necessary and a chance to walk away (without guilt) for a moment to refresh themselves. Labor is hard work and the people closest to the mom to be will have a hard time watching this difficult journey. Sometimes the birth Doula is wallpaper to the room, only to be called upon if the couple feels they need reassurance or reminders. Whatever role you choose the Doula to play is certainly what you are paying for. Your partner and your Doula will work together to guide you towards the birth you are anticipating. What should I expect when shopping for a doula? Start with referrals from someone you know. If you are the pioneer in your circle of friends, then call a few midwives offices/ holistic practitioners, chiropractors etc. for names of doulas. You might be able to get a name from an ob/gyn office if you ask around. If all else fails, try the internet. If you find someone who sounds good, ask to take her out for coffee/tea (or another public venue). Keep it simple and short. Just a get to know you meeting (with or without partner the first time). Reputable doulas will have years of training and experience. Ask for references, credentials, her back up plans and what her schedule is like for the month you are due. If you and your partner felt a good connection to the Doula you met, let her know. Ask for feedback, so you can see if this is a good fit. If you wish to hire her, do it quickly. Sometimes if you wait, someone else with a similar due date will have snatched her up. Doulas don’t typically take on too much in one month. It works to your advantage if she is not booked solid. Once you agree on the terms of the contract, you will both sign and give a deposit (usually half the total at signing and the rest by 37 weeks). If you don’t pay the full fee before you deliver, she is not obligated to attend you. Most doulas will work out many payment plans, but she should be paid before the big day for reassurance. If you don’t have the money, talk to your Doula. I’ve never known someone to turn away a mother in need. Once all the particulars are done, expect the Doula to meet with you at least 2 times throughout pregnancy. At these meetings, she will go over your birth plans as well as how you see her role in them. She should come to your home at least once to be familiar and meet your partner. You can talk to her everyday, every week, every month but it’s up to you to reach out. The Doula does not want to constantly check in with you so as to be a nuisance. Once in labor, you or your partner will let Doula know and she will be with you until 1-2 hours post delivery as well as a home visit at 1-2 weeks postpartum. She may or may not help with breastfeeding. Most Doula contracts spell out the details. They may vary from what I’ve written, but this should be the minimum. You may also get your childbirth education through her with a different fee. Or some postpartum Doula work added on. Be sure to get a personalized care plan, if that’s what you need best. Doulas are very flexible
The Fourth Trimester
It’s strange to hear the newborn period referenced as the “fourth trimester.” You’ve spent 10 (not 9) long months on a countdown through days, weeks, months and trimesters patiently waiting until the end of the third trimester for “this” to be over so you can meet your little one. Emotionally, those first three months postpartum are a time of transformation for you, your baby, and your partner. Learning how to be a family is taxing. Physically your body is adjusting to the new spaciousness, milking breasts, and the crazy hormone acclimation. Let’s not forget the exceptional changes a newborn phase through. The cerebellum alone triples in size during the first year. Those early experiences outside the womb are integral to optimize brain development. Newborns are born slightly immature at full term. The rest of their growth is done through human touch, hence the reason they need to be held like a marsupial. If only a pouch came with the baby to facilitate the “babywearing!” Reality Let’s face it; babies are a lot of work regardless of feeding preference. In the beginning, it is not unheard of to be holding them 20 hours per day or more. Breastfeeding alone can take a half-hour to an hour 8x per day minimum. Bottle feeding can take less time feeding, but more time cleaning, buying, preparing, and planning. The first week’s home, family, and friends can’t wait to help you with holding, changing diapers, bathing, feeding, etc. Even those that choose to bottle feed to share the feedings quickly learn that the novelty wears off, and everyone goes back to normal life. Therefore, you are the sole caregiver and need to do 95% of the feedings and caring. Mothering is the most selfless job but worth every minute! Help If this is your first experience with a newborn, enlist some help from a close friend or family member who you could learn from their experience. Even if it’s your tenth baby, get help during the fourth trimester! You will survive despite having their support, but it may make the learning curve shorter. Although, if you don’t have a good relationship with the family or friend willing to help, then scratch that idea and hire someone instead. Their expertise is priceless. Even if you have one close person to talk/text at all hours, you will feel better. Maybe you are a seasoned mom, but this baby is different from the other/s? Or perhaps you are learning how to divide your attention to each needy individual? Using your support network to give you a needed nap, shower, meal, or alone time with baby can be integral to making a smooth transition. Remember not to feel guilty for demanding this time; your physical and mental health is just as essential to be a mom. Besides, your other child/children had this passage with you, and it’s only fair you and baby have this bonding time too. Needy Understanding how the newborn is wired will make this transition easier. In short, babies are just trying to survive. Eating, pooping, sleeping, and crying is the job of a healthy newborn. If they are not doing this, then something may be wrong. Don’t take it personally when you have literally done everything to settle her, and she is still upset. Sometimes it’s a guessing game, and you lose. Eventually, she will fall asleep or calm down in your arms. If you feel like you are on the verge of falling apart, it’s ok to put her down in a safe place and walk away for a breather. Go outside or somewhere quieter to clear your head. Then return refreshed and capable of handling your crying baby. When she gives you that first meaningful smile, you won’t remember the new mom’s burnout. Promise! Thankfully, the fourth trimester is a short time in the grand scheme of things. Yes, it is exhausting and feels like it will stay like this permanently, but it doesn’t. The human species would have ceased to exist a long time ago if there was no end in sight. Try to soak up this period as much as possible because before you know it, she will be going to kindergarten. Happy Parenting!
Meeting Your “New Mom” Needs
Integrating your baby in your life while meeting your “new mom” needs can be tricky. Everyone wants to be part of those first few weeks, but quickly lose interest after the first month. Check on your new mom friends after week four, and you’ll find some of them chomping at the bit to “feel normal again.” Incorporating that balance will take time. Finding something that can help improve your new daily regimen AND keep your baby with you can be challenging. As a new mom, you’re always looking for a small window of opportunity to duck out and exercise, meet friends for lunch, groom at the hairdresser, read a book, run to the store or take a bath without 487 interruptions. It becomes especially important when your health could be suffering; physically or emotionally. We all need a little “me time” to keep the baby blues from enveloping us. Not everyone has enough supportive family or friends close by to watch the baby while you do what is needed to meet your “new mom” needs. There are a few creative ways to include the baby in your lunch, hairdresser, store run, book (you could read your adult book out loud), or bath, but exercise can be tricky. You could incorporate your routine around a sleeping baby, but that could backfire when you are finally feeling the benefits. It helps if you have an older child who is capable of watching the baby for an hour in another room. Alas, even that can be iffy when the sibling is having a rough day while trying to meet your “new mom” needs. Mommy and Me to Meet Your Needs I highly recommend going to playgroups, mommy, and me, breastfeeding support groups, postpartum depression groups, or anything tangible in your area! You can bring the baby and talk to other moms who are in a similar situation. It’s evident that many of you are in online mom groups, but let’s be honest, these people could be robots for all you know. Getting out, having human interaction, and having your little one be around other children is a win-win for everyone. Some of these groups could integrate exercise for adults as well. Imagine a place you could bring your baby and dance, swim, or exercise together? This setting has you both enjoying oxytocin (the feel-good hormone) while benefiting from feeling better about your body. Postnatal yoga is the perfect fit. You can’t go wrong with a class that incorporates a brand new mother and her newborn baby. Besides where else can you sit and breastfeed at any given moment, without concern. There is no pressure or rush to catch up with the other moms and everyone is equally exhausted in this group. If you’ve never done yoga before, relax, this is the least judgmental place to learn. Postpartum Yoga for Balance Curious but uncertain if yoga is for YOU? Maybe you’ve heard that it has a hippie vibe, it’s too spiritual, too witch crafty or too alternative? On the other hand, perhaps you’re a hardcore bodybuilder/gym rat/fitness buff/runner, and practicing yoga doesn’t look challenging enough. Whatever speculation you’ve had about this ancient practice put aside and open your mind. You are looking for a connection with your new body and this is a perfect fit to meet your “new mom” needs. As it stands now, yoga is trending and may come up in conversation. You may hear phrases that sound too good to be true, questioning, and doubting all the buildup to a physical fitness practice that appears wimpy in style. Also, wondering if this is the activity that will be good enough for you and your baby comfortably. Disciplines This tradition is a group of physical, mental, and spiritual disciplines, breaking the barriers of all other types of conditioning. No additional training tests your mind, heart, and spirit the way a traditional yoga class can. Each style has different advantages for improving wellness. Be sure to check them all out: Hatha, Iyengar, Kundalini, Ashtanga, Vinyasa, Bikram, Yin, and Restorative, to name a few. Most of these can be adapted to fit a mom and baby in the group, but seeking an actual postpartum yoga class is most beneficial. Start with the basics and work your way up, or enjoy how good you feel after a class that you didn’t need to leave your baby to profit. Benefits of postpartum (or anytime) yoga that you may find surprising: Strengthens pelvic floor Protection from injury Reduces back discomfort from holding a baby all-day Balance Flexibility Toning Energy Endurance Heart health Improved athleticism Vitality Decrease stress, anxiety & postpartum depression Reduces inflammation Increases speed of cell repair form birth Improves quality of life Lessens chronic pain Mom networking Encourages mindful eating Improves sex life (for next baby) Strengthens your immune system Weight loss Helps repair abdominal muscles Readjusts the hormones Asthma helper Memory Booster Detoxifying Improves respiration Reduces migraine intensity and frequency Promotes deeper sleep Better posture Connection with baby Realigns your body Reminds you to breath Encourages healthy blood flow Aids in healing physically and emotionally from your birth experience Makes you smarter Encourages body love Perhaps the most important and overlooked perk is the sense of community, building your mom tribe. When you leave your ego at the door and immerse yourself in deepening your yoga practice and mommy skills, with and without baby, it’s easy to find your tribe. Yogis are typically noble people who share the same goals: self-improvement, inside and out. So, the next time you’re considering between a postpartum yoga class or weight lifting, perchance, you’ll put all the rumors aside and remember that yogis can kick butt too: spiritually, mentally, and physically- even in the pre and postpartum realm. Happy Parenting!
