Establishing Family Traditions
When considering establishing family traditions, examine the essence you are trying to bring out for the long haul. What do you want your little ones to gain from these rituals? How will your values affect the child as they grow-up? Our youngest (13) has recently admitted that she’s known about the lack of a Santa a few years now. We weren’t naive, we knew, but it was our last baby and hard to swallow the thought that Christmas would change forever. It is more fun to enjoy the looks of surprise on the little one’s faces throughout the holiday season, but now we can come clean about all the mishaps through the past celebrations and have a good laugh. My older adult kids have already passed on the tradition of lying to their children about the kind man who delivers presents every year, but most of the grandkids are far too young for a permanent memory of the traditions. Two of the six grandchildren are old enough to have expectations every year and notice when one thing is out of place. Their parents will have to decide how they want to establish family traditions that will work best for them. We don’t regret all the choices we’ve made raising them to have certain beliefs, but there are a few customs we might have done differently. None of my children were angry at us for lying about Santa or the other fictional characters (fairy godmother, Easter bunny, etc.), but it’s difficult to top the magic that comes when a child believes something cosmic will happen while they are sleeping. They grew up around families that didn’t believe in the same customs and had questions throughout their childhood, but assured me that they preferred the myth. Somehow they felt the other families were missing out on particular wizardry. Setting the Bar Setting the bar too high can become a debacle, though. It’s important to think it through once the kids are old enough to remember. We tend to be very impulsive those first years with holidays and birthdays being a big deal, but it’s in everyone’s best interest to carefully plan the activities. Think back to when you can recollect your first memory; what do you see? How old are you? Do you recall snippets or a full event? According to research, the earliest we can remember is 3 1/2 years old, but the lifelong memories-the ones that really matter- are recollected from about age 6. So that gives you 3-5 years to decide the best way to celebrate an occasion. It’s ok to go all out in the early years because the munchkin won’t remember all the details, but if they look back in pictures, it may backfire. Asking why they don’t have as many presents or certain pomp. With a myriad of traditions held in millions of households around the world, it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what is the right thing is for each family. Your upbringing will have a lot to do with the choices you make, but what if your partner grew up completely different? How will you combine your experiences and create the event to keep you both happy? If you grew up in a household that didn’t celebrate holidays or birthdays with any fanfare, then you have a blank slate to start with, use it wisely. The best part is that you can continually evolve with your children as you decide what is most important in your family. Christmas Family Traditions Since Christmas is around the corner, let’s look at some of the typical ways people establish family traditions during this time of year; Birth of Jesus Church functions Nativity Church Shopping excursions Decorate in and outside the house Work parties Santa Claus, St. Nicholas, Father Christmas Chop down a tree to decorate Buy an artificial tree Elf on the Shelf Gingerbread house Cookie exchange Holiday party Gift-giving Secret Santa Gift receiving Donate gifts to children Volunteer at a soup kitchen Christmas plays Advent Calendar Christmas shows/movies Christmas music Wreath Ugly sweaters Milk and cookies for Santa Reindeer food Christmas books Caroling Mistletoe Eggnog Poinsettias Holly/Ivy Yule Log Star of Bethlehem Pictures with Santa Visit family or friends Teacher gifts Friend gifts Christmas lights Cook a special meal As you can see, these activities can be pricey and time-consuming, putting a lot of stress on the parents. None of these are “musts,” but it’s hard in a world of commercialism not to feel the pressure to do most or all of these shenanigans. Even throwing a birthday party can break the bank and mental capacity for some parents. Even though it is wrong to compare your family to others, kids and adults will do it anyway. Adding even more pressure to the overly exhausting celebrations. “Why did Susie put up her tree on Thanksgiving, or why is it 10′ tall, or look how many gifts they have, or why don’t we decorate the front of the house?” Most children won’t remember every detail of every Christmas (or birthday), but they will remember how it felt around the holidays. What mood was in the air? How the house smelled? Were his parents fighting, stressed, happy, singing, or a grinch? They’ll possibly remember a favorite toy or activity they received or did for at least a few years. One thing is for sure; kids will have certain expectations each year. If you set up a tree every December 1, be prepared to continue that tradition. If each child opens ten presents on Christmas morning, don’t disappoint this year. It’s not that you can’t change your rituals, it’s more about what precedence we set and how we can make subtle changes without them noticing. Traditions Must Go On Those formidable years that memories formed will force parents into continuing those Christmas habits even when they aren’t up to the task. What if there was a death, divorce, illness, or job loss around this time of year? The children don’t
Teaching the Art of Giving
When children are very young, teaching the art of giving is hard for most to conceptualize. Since birth, they have been the focus of many gifts, and very little is expected of them, rightfully so. Some children will naturally have the personality to be a giver, sometimes too much, but the other personality types may need more convincing. It’s hard to grow up watching the commercialism surrounding holiday seasons (and made up holidays). Everywhere children go, there is a message of receiving a present for whatever time of year it is. I mean Christmas alone starts in July- Seriously, I went to the boardwalk in August hoping to spend a lovely weekend soaking up the end of summer (I’m in NEPA) but instead was hit with Halloween and Christmas- EVERYWHERE! So how can we teach kids of all ages to filter out the fictitious commercialism holiday bull and instead teach them generosity? I suppose we should explore our hearts first. What type of parenting did we have surrounding gift-giving and receiving? How do we model to our children? What messages do we send our offspring? How much gratitude do we show from everyone? Think about times you may have complained to your partner, friend, parents about a gift you received, what message did your little one take away from that conversation? They are always listening and learning from us. By teaching the art of giving start by showing children a few essential pointers: Give secretly– make a batch of cookies and leave on a neighbors’ doorstep, anonymously pay a bill for someone, clean a yard when they are not home, do a project for them, or send a food delivery over. Sacrifice– Show the littles how to give away something they love: time, items, money, etc. Even a young child can wrap up their beloved toy and give it to a friend. Give to those underserving– we all know people that we feel are not deserving of anything. Maybe they take advantage of people or have a lot of material things already; either way, you can teach these types about the art of giving. It doesn’t have to be much; card, time, handmade item, etc. Give to your enemies- having enemies is not suitable for your soul. You carry this baggage with you all the time, and it gains you nothing. Teaching children to forgive their enemies by giving a gift to yours can help them learn a valuable lesson. Besides, maybe your enemy will become your friend, and your heart will be lighter. If we teach children that giving is about love and appreciation, we will help them gain psychological benefits and strengthen bonds. You can even teach toddlers the art of giving when done appropriately. Follow these simple tips: Make it a team effort-it’s more fun and productive when the whole family chips in for something. Even if it is volunteering at a church function, making a meal, or cleaning a yard. Give small tasks, based on age to each child- chores, decorate for someone, pet care, etc. Always lead by example– monkey see, monkey do. Volunteer– nursing homes, homeless, sick, physical therapy; whatever your cause is, do it together. Do it all the time– however, you decide to give, show your children that you care all the time. No, not every day, but frequently throughout the year in a variety of ways. For example, clean the park, donate clothes to the poor, bring canned food to a food kitchen, teach Sunday school at your church, get involved in PTA, etc. Simple, easy lessons. Count your blessings– teach them family traditions, stories, poems, lessons, etc. Use your imagination– get creative. There is no right or wrong way to give. Just show them you care about more than yourself. Make it fun– if the littles are not enjoying the giving, then you’ve lost the message. They need to feel good about what they are doing for it to be effective. Give them a choice- indeed, you can narrow the choices down but allow them to be part of the process. Say something like, “what would you like to do for aunt Kate on her birthday; make a cake-clean the yard-draw a picture or write a poem?” Teach them to understand the difference between need and want- certainly everyone has both, but some people don’t have someone tending to their needs and may benefit from a toothbrush, clean clothes or new shoes. Show them that buying a homeless person’s essential hygiene items is appreciated by that person. Let them see the impact they make- if you decide to work as a family in a soup kitchen, the children will see what gratitude is. If they make a scarf for their neighbor and leave it anonymously, someday they may see her wearing it. However, they can witness the impact, the more significant psychological difference it will make. Other ways you can teach the art of giving: Teach about sustainable development goals and how to help the earth. Everyone benefits! Have a child teach another child how to read, write, art, cursive, math, play a sport, etc. Pet care for someone. Send cards to the military. Get involved in Operation Christmas Child, or something like it. Adopt a park, street, area to keep clean. There is a myriad of ways to teach children about the art of giving without spending a dime, but if you choose to buy gifts, show them some financial sense based on their age: Budgeting: Be sure to talk about ways to earn money- chores, odd jobs, babysit, work, etc. How much money do they have? How much will they make? From where and by what deadline? How much will they spend on each gift? List of who and what they want to buy: Make sure they honor the wishes people have (within reason). Those that don’t want anything may have a good cause, and those that ask for a specific item may have a need. How many people are they getting
