My 13-year-old daughter wants to ride her scooter about 2 miles away to meet her friends. This makes my stomach turn and I struggle with the correct answer to her question. Two miles is a long way riding alone. On the one hand, I’m happy she wants to get out AND exercise but on the other hand, I don’t want her to go alone. She is my 7th child, so this is not my first rodeo with a teen. Three years ago, my son was wandering around the neighborhood with and without his friends all the time and still does at 16. Sure, I worry about his safety, but for reasons unbeknownst to me I trust that he could “take care of himself.” Even when he was 9-10-11 years old my concerns were not as pronounced as they are for my daughter. My Spidey senses are always heightened when SHE asks. I did not fear the same things that I fear for my daughter, although maybe I should’ve.
Could it be that I’m being protective because she is my last baby? Perhaps! Or maybe I’m older and wiser-or just more anxious? Possibly it’s because I’m not sure she could handle herself in an emergency. Or did I just gender stereotype my kids? I mean I’m certainly not perfect even after all these children over the span of 31 years. Whatever the reasons lurking in those dark spaces of my brain, it doesn’t matter. If my gut or Spidey senses are talking to me, I need to honor that. After all, how would I feel if I let her go and something bad happened. I couldn’t live with that.
Explore with me the best- and worst-case scenarios:
BEST
- Exercise- she does get exercise through sports but spends a lot of time on her cell phone (that’s another blog)
- Off her phone- can she ride and FaceTime, text or social media-at the same time? I’m praying she’s not that savvy.
- Socialization- I’m hoping they talk to each other face to face as opposed to all being on their phones, but???
- Learning about the world -direction, traffic, rules of the road, manners, scary people to avoid etc.
WORST
- Gets lost- I suppose the phone would come in handy for this situation.
- Injury-she is riding a scooter through a small city with uneven sidewalks. Anything is possible.
- Hit by car- is she aware enough of her surroundings? Does she know the rules of the road?
- Kidnapper- all my children have been taught about strangers throughout their lives, but people are more and more conniving and good at it. Would she know what to do?
- Sex trafficking- she’s a new thirteen-year-old. How much exposure to sex has she had, much less the awareness of horrible people that can do such a thing. Obviously, these organizations are very good at tricking girls and boys, that’s how they flourish and survive.
- She’s not where she says- oh I trust her as much as you can trust any 13-year-old, but temptation is always there. I mean weren’t you a teen once?
Could these situations happen in any scenario, to any gender, at any age? Absolutely! Let’s face it statistically speaking of the worst cases, there’s a 1 in 300,000 chance of her being kidnapped and 1 in 199,000 of her being sold into sex slavery. Still it’s a statistic I don’t want to be part of, even though she’ll probably be fine.
Of course, she’s been talked to about all the topics above and has grown up in a family with a lot of exposure to teen topics, but she is new to the freedom that comes at this stage of life. She has walked to closer friends houses before, even at 9-10-11yrs old but with a sibling or friend. I believe in the buddy system and try to encourage it as much as possible. Unfortunately, we live a mile away from the closest friends’ house, so we have limitations and tend to drive them more.
By now you’ve probably surmised that I’m a helicopter parent, nervous nanny or maybe you’re thinking I’m way too lenient, but the truth is that we all have our crosses to bear. Our own upbringing will make it harder to parent when faced with certain subjects. So, like me, next time your inner voice is talking to you ask yourself where this is coming from before reacting. I knew I grew up with rough teen years and wanted to protect my baby but that isn’t always the right answer for everyone.
As for my youngster, after reminding her of all the “rules,” I let her go. She met up with friends along the way to their destination but had a mile on the road alone. It was difficult and I did have her text once she was there (how did our parents ever know we were safe without cell phones?) but I’m glad I did it. She felt respected and grown up and I cut the cord a little bit more.
So, what would you do?
