Parenting in a Pandemic
Parenting in a pandemic can be overwhelming, even for the most level headed parents. We are called upon to dig down deep into our hearts and souls and find all the good we can to transfer onto the worried children we are trying to protect- much easier said than done! The majority of the universe has never lived through a pandemic such as this. It’s not to say that we haven’t had horrible things happen in our lifetime- including other pandemics- but the worst-before now-was in 1918 and most of that generation has left this earth. Not to minimize some of these runner ups: Spanish Flu Tuberculosis Small Pox Plague Cholera outbreak Swine Flu SARS coronavirus Russian Flu Hong Kong flu Serum run to Nome (diphtheria) Malaria West Bank fainting epidemic HIV/AIDS I imagine you may have never heard of some of these (West Bank Fainting???), like myself. Still, some health problems do occasionally get out of control. Since we only get what the government and media want us to understand many of the scarier things happening around the planet are left out. Or we get fed dreadful news with no validity. Either way, despite free speech, we can’t honestly know the facts unless we are in the frontlines. Leaving us to do the best we can with the knowledge and resources we’ve managed to muster up. Parenting Priorities in a Pandemic Parenting during any catastrophe can bring us to our knees. Even smaller things like moving, divorce, illness, and mental health issues can create bewilderment. As if we didn’t already question what morals, ethics, and values to put upon our children. Today we need to reteach what we thought was once critical to their well-being. In the face of obscurity, parents need to put their game-face on and show solidarity, tenacity, and intelligence, all while charming the children. Our predecessors, and many parents around the world-even before today, live a horrifying daily regimen of safety, nourishment, and health. There isn’t time to entertain their offspring or worry whether they have instilled the right values, etc. every day is about survival. A life of “putting out fires”; each day is based upon those three essential needs. If you are lucky enough to have a screen to read-this-on as well as access to the internet, then I’d say you’re doing well! We contemporary parents may be in uncharted territory, but primarily those of you scrutinizing this blog is safe, fed, and healthy. While it doesn’t take away the concerns you live with day-in and day-out, you should find solace in knowing our species are strong and can pull through this. You and your family will find a new norm and master creativity. Reality Parenting in a pandemic can be just what the children and earth ordered. Possibly we didn’t notice the messages they were sending subliminal or overt. Perhaps we weren’t listening to our own inner-voice begging for a break from the “rat-race.” Look for the silver lining that can bring a new peace to you and your family. Embrace this! Take the time to observe your children, each individually. Find what makes each person tick in your family. Spend time listening to what their heart is saying. Not what you think you know. Be supportive of how their own pandemic anxieties can alter who they potentially evolve into. Accept their differences and don’t try to box them together. You may be surprised at the parts of them you missed. Most of us have all the time to invest in this endeavor now, but we are too caught up in the crisis to take a step back and absorb the positive pieces of our new world. Children will react based on our words and body language. If we make good of the situation, so too will they. Smile, interact, and be present with your family to gain the most from this vexing situation. Before you know it, school and work will resume at maximum capacity, and we will wish for the lazy days from the past. Prologue I wouldn’t want you to leave this blog feeling that the author had no sense of empathy for all of those affected by the COVID19 pandemic. Or that “being present” with your family is simple. Indeed, we all have our mountains to climb when it comes to the acceptance of the current situation. Some of us are “essential” and not able to spend time with our kids the way we once knew-for their safety! Others may be struggling with their own anxiety/depression demons related to the extreme worry we feel. While the rest of us battle parenting guilt because we can’t deal with the energy of the couped up monsters stuck in our homes! It’s ok to make out of this crisis what you can. I’m merely suggesting to center yourself and look for the bright light whenever possible! Parenting in a pandemic can be better than it appears. Hang in there, and stay safe, everyone!
Middle-School Crisis
This middle-school crisis is a story of corruption, greed, negligence, and power concerning the ramifications on the youth involved. Our school district has been in crisis mode for the past few years (that we are aware of), with the assortment controversies. With the use of free speech, the general public has since learned about dangerous secrets and misrepresentation from past administrations. Forcing the new one to clean up the mayhem. I won’t go into all the details involved but think along the lines of the nepotism going on in the most significant administration in the USA-although on a smaller scale. There always seems to be someone with something to gain while others suffer. Our most recent issue has brought about the safety of the people who inhabit a few of the older buildings in the district. Supposedly (we are still waiting for the proof), they found asbestos and lead and abruptly closed the three schools involved. After quick remediation of 2 of the buildings, they reopened within two days. The third, however, will not be opening. Confusion in Middle-School This middle school housed 900 sixth, seventh, and eighth-grade students and a large staff. On Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of that week, the school operated as usual. Wednesday night, a robocall went out stating there would be no school on Thursday, without a mention for a reason. With each day getting another call about no school- for one week. Between media, social media, parents, staff, and all of the children, the rumors were flying. The anxiety of everyone involved has grown to a new level and created more questions than answers throughout the district. Even taxpayers without children are up in arms over this. Rightfully so! Some of you may be wondering why we are upset about keeping our children safe from horrible contaminants like asbestos and lead; there is more to the story. This particular building is worth a lot of money and in high demand. Could, would our administration use this potentially rectifiable issue to sell out? That’s for another blog. For now, we will focus on the kids. For the Sake of the Kids In the meantime, we have approximately 1300 people living in limbo, plus the parents of those children. Where and what do you do with children, unexpectedly? They are between 11 and 14 years old, caught between being a child and adolescent. Not all are emotionally ready to be home alone and make the right decisions. Parents can’t wait for the phone call until the last minute to decide how to juggle working and care for their offspring. One of the solutions that the district may consider is to split the 900 students between two overpopulated schools. Putting some teachers on leave and arranging for the principle and vice principle to work between the two schools. If they hadn’t found an equal number of problems with one of the schools, maybe the parents wouldn’t be as upset. Although not enough problems to shut it down and create another middle-school crisis. A complication from this plan is that kids at this age can be territorial, bossy, and just plain mean. With the parameters in place to protect kids from bullying, there’s bound to be a few antagonizers. These kids play sports against each other as rivals, and now we want them to coexist. I’m not condoning this; I’m merely pointing out the facts. Young Teens in Middle-School Crisis To be more conscious of what is going on in the middle-schoolers brain, let us dive deeper. It’s certainly a period I wouldn’t want a do-over. Young tweens and teens are: a hormonal hot mess building their tribe-learning where they fit it and severing some past ties insecure about their physical self submit to peer pressure territorial over said tribe living in a fog of confusion torn between wanting to play like yesterday and act grownup like the future self pulling away from parental guidance, but need it dealing with high levels of stress and anxiety thrive on drama exaggerate stories challenge authority have a fear of social rejection look to friends for advice don’t like public praise screen attached YouTube is their mentor YouTube is the go-to for anything teen related. Sure we had pin-ups and magazines of those that we idolized as teens. Still, today’s digital kids have a whole different level of glorifying. It’s easy to see why the youngsters wish to protect their territory at the new schools. Equally forbearing are the misplaced teens that want to keep their clan connected. Thoughtfully, looking at the list of changes the middle-schoolers are going through, how can they quickly adapt to all the modifications and ensure a good education. Aren’t we, as the adults governing them, supposed to help them feel safe and secure when we send them off to school every day? I’m no prude and don’t sugar coat reality for my children, but there is a period where I allow them to enjoy not adulting. These are tumultuous times for the grownups dealing with the catastrophe, and we sort-of understand the facts. The teens involved in this situation are double-blind to all that is happening, counting on social media reports. Voices from the Young This list of growing concerns I’ve been privy to is just the tip of the iceberg, but genuinely worth considering. fear of rejection uncertain of academics loss of familiarity getting lost in the new building new expectations worry about different teachers health concerns overcrowded separated from friends bus concerns On the positive side, it has been nice to see the unification of these young minds. They are gathering together to make their feelings known while being flexible enough to adapt. While angry parents have banded together in the protection of their children and the school-family they once knew. Being a young teen involves an erratic amount of hormone surges. Anyone who has ever dealt with them has seen the sweet, loving, gracious, helpful human that can turn into satan
Sleep- A Hot Topic
Sleep-a hot topic in the world of parenting. Especially those with a new baby in the first years. Newborns are exhausting and require much of our physical self, but older babies and children are an emotional drain. Everything is compounded by the fact that every human is different and requires a new parenting strategy-what worked for Adam Is not necessarily going to work for Aubrey. Throw in the millions of parents offering advice on social media, and you’ve got a total collapse of the “mothering instinct.” Let’s explore what sleep means first: but wait, there is a different answer for everyone! Talk to your adult friends, family, and co-workers; ask how many hours they sleep per night, what time they go to bed and wake up if they get up throughout the night, whether they have children and their ages and if they sleep with someone else or alone in the bed. I did just that with five women and five men under 45 and here are my crude results: The majority of adults sleep with someone (9 out of 10). Most wake up to use the restroom in the night (8 out of 10). All of them had children under 8. Six go to sleep around 11 pm, one goes to sleep at 9 pm, 3 have trouble falling asleep, but start trying at 10/11 pm (actual rest may be as late as 2 am). Eight will wake up to go to work around 6-7 am, one wakes at 4 am for work, and one wakes according to the baby (8-9 am) but doesn’t have to leave the house for work. One mom sleeps 8 hours per night without interruption, one dad sleeps in 3-hour intervals (without a child waking him), one mom has an infant waking her every 2-3 hours, one dad has the night shift with the 16-month-old and goes to sleep at 1 am but sleeps until 6, 2 moms get up once per night with their preschool/school-age child, three dads sleep 7 hours uninterrupted every night, one mom sleeps 9 hours per night, but semi wakes a few times with toddler who co-sleeps. The Results I will add that all of the nine who sleep in a bed with someone, will not sleep well if that someone is not home. Fear of burglars, fire, emergency, and noises keep them awake. None of them felt like they were always exhausted, but the newest mom with the infant was more tired than the rest. Rightfully so! In summary, very few had the same sleep schedule, and all had their way of coping. Now imagine a new human who is learning life outside the womb. We say the first months as a new parent is the most exhausting, but what about an illness, teething, meeting new milestones, a change in schedule, hunger, night terrors, filling a diaper, or just plain lonely? I’m quite sure we’ve had rough nights of sleep as adults for one reason or another. I’m also confident that sleep cycles vary from person to person, as well as different phases in our lives. So we absolutely can’t compare Adam to Aubrey. Creating sleep-a hot topic! Questions I’m Asked Daily Should I wake my baby to eat? How can I get my newborn to sleep more? Or through the night? How long are newborns confused about night time and day time? How long can I let my newborn sleep? When will my baby start sleeping through the night regularly? Can I sleep train a newborn baby? 2, 3,4,5,6 m etc. Which program should I use? Can I put the baby on a schedule? When should I put the baby on a program? When is it appropriate to sleep train? Do I have to sleep train? Should I? Will my baby learn to sleep without sleep training? How long does sleep training take? How many minutes/hours of crying is safe when sleep training? What if sleep training doesn’t work? I just did a month of sleep training, and my baby is finally sleeping 9-12 hours per night! Can you help me get my milk back? My baby used to sleep 6+ hours per night, and now she is only sleeping 2-4. When will my baby sleep without waking five times per night? Or all night? When will my baby stop nursing through the night? My baby won’t sleep without me or someone holding her? My baby won’t sleep in her crib. Is co-sleeping safe? Ok? Good? Bad? Should I allow my baby to nurse to sleep? How can I get my baby to sleep without breastfeeding? My baby used to sleep through the night without breastfeeding, and now she is waking to eat more. Ever since I went back to work, my baby won’t sleep at night? What is the norm for a baby under 2 to sleep through the night? Help-My baby is turning one next week, and she is acting like a newborn. Needy, sleeping less and eating more. Ever since I had my baby, my toddler is waking up and won’t self soothe. My baby is not on a sleep or feeding schedule; should I be concerned? Ever since we went away, my baby won’t sleep anymore. My baby will sleep for my sitter, but not for me. How can I get my baby to nap? My baby is only taking one nap per day; how can I get more? I can’t put my baby down for nap time — only bedtime. Should I be concerned that my baby doesn’t require much sleep? My partner and I are fighting over sleep training. I’m sleeping in the baby’s room now, so my partner can get sleep and go to work. Should I keep my baby in my room to sleep or put her in her crib? Am I spoiling my baby if I let her fall asleep on me? Nurse to sleep? Sleep in my room? Pick her up when she cries? Go to
